Around The World
by MissCuriousBird
Summary: The Varia have been assigned to travel the world for mafia business and in each country, they learn things they should watch out for, what not to do, what not to wear and what not to leave uncovered. Basically, things that make the inhabitants of each country either angry or embarrassed. Involves OC. Rated T for minor violence, language and suggestive adult themes. Set TYL. HIATUS.
1. When In Afghanistan

**{When In Afghanistan}**

**{Beware the curse of 39}**

When Lussuria informed Umi that the Varia was going to be travelling around the world for Mafia business, the white-haired female was absolutely ecstatic. She hadn't traveled around to other countries for a long while, and it wasn't everyday that the illusionist Mammon allowed the group to do such a thing since it was a waste of money. She had packed all her necessities cheerfully and quickly, wanting to start on their travels already. Once they were on the plane, Umi then took notice of their first destination.

Afghanistan.

Least to say, the light haired female had sat herself in between Bel and Fran on their ride through the country to the Mafia family they were headed to. If an explosion went off at any point, Umi was going to use the aforementioned two males to shield her from the blast.

"VOI! WHY ARE YOU BEING SUCH A COWARD, BRAT?"

"Shut up!" she snapped, glaring at the swordsman in front of her, "I don't expect a guy who survived being eaten by a shark to understand why a normal person like me is scared of going through a country like this!"

"But Umi sempai, you're _not_ normal."

"Fran, zip it."

"Ushishishi. The commoner has such lowly fears."

"And Bel sempai is a fake prince."

"Peasant."

Umi was quick to change moods, switching from fear to anger, when a few knives lodged themselves into the teal-haired illusionist. Their car came to an abrupt stop when Squalo, who was screaming at everyone, elbowed Levi, the driver, in the back of the head. Chaos ensued with Lussuria trying to calm everyone down to no avail and Xanxus sat there glaring at everyone, just itching to pull out his guns to shoot them. When the Varia got loud, they stayed loud for a good hour or so. That is, of course, unless someone called out to them and averted their attention from murdering one another.

The only female in the car looked at her window and saw a male looking back at her. She frowned and spoke to him. "Khahesh mikonam dobare tekrar konid." (Please say that again)

He repeated his words and pointed a finger at Squalo. The swordsman gave a low growl. "Voi, what the hell is he pointing at?"

Umi glanced between the two, made a face, and burst into a fit of laughter. This caused Squalo to yell at her again. "VOI! WHAT DID HE SAY? TELL ME BRAT BEFORE I SLICE YOUR HEAD OFF!"

In between giggles, she replied to him. "H-He wants to know if he c-can hire you for to-tonight," and she broke down laughing again, clutching her stomach as she doubled over. Squalo gave a frown while ignoring the stares he was getting from the foreigner outside their car, and yanked the female back into an upright position. "What do you mean?"

She grinned, "In other words, it's a sex proposition, _darling_." She laughed again as she saw the silver-haired male's face change from his usual skin color to a deep shade of red from anger. The rest of the Varia members went silent, taking in what the female had said. Bel started snickering, soon joined in by Lussuria who was trying to keep his chuckling in, before the whole car erupted into laughter. Xanxus smirked as he held his glass of wine close to his lips.

Squalo brandished his sword and swung it threateningly at the male foreigner who ran away in fear. "VOI! WHAT THE FUCK!" he stomped his feet in the car as he continued to scream at the top of his lungs. His yelling went unnoticed as the group continued to hoot and howl at him, causing the male to swing his sword at them once again.

Eventually, the laughter died down and Umi made a satisfied noise, wiping a stray tear away. "Oh god, that was just bloody fabulous, that was." She grinned before the swordsman grabbed the front of her shirt and jerked her towards him. "Why the fuck would that bastard ask for a sex proposition from me?" he growled, still aggravated.

Umi stared at him for a moment before her eyes brightened, "Oh, right, I totally forgot to tell you guys when we got into the car," With giggles escaping her lips, she pulled a small booklet out of her bag titled 'When In Rome'. "Apparently, cars with registrations involving '39' are subject to ridicule or sex propositions because the number was featured in the number plate of a car belonging to an Afghan pimp. In other words, we're a prostitution car and you're the prostitute, Squalo." She laughed again as the same shade of red from before covered Squalo's face.

"Aw~! Squ Chan makes an adorable prostitute~!" Lussuria chirped, clapping his hands together as Bel continued to snicker at the newfound information. Fran pointed his finger at the older male. "See? This is proof that even other males think of longhaired captain as a female."

"VOOOOOIIIIIII! LEVI! GET YOUR FUCKING ASS OUT OF THE CAR AND CHANGE THAT NUMBER TO A 38! NOW!"

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**All information given in this series came from Mike Haskins' book 'When in Rome...' and the languages/translations came from it as well. **

**Varia, of course, belongs to Akira Amano while Umi belongs to me. I would've done the Vongola Tenth Generation except they wouldn't spout as much comedy as the Varia would. I mean, come _on_, the Varia is like a walking, murderous, comedy group! Also, Umi knows different languages although she's not as fluent in them as she is in English, Italian and Japanese. She's the translator, basically. That's going to cause some future troubles, ahaha.**

**There's 59 more countries to go. I wonder how long the Varia will last before murdering an innocent civilian...**


	2. When In Argentina

**{When In Argentina}**

**{Don't slap the inside of your thigh}**

After the hectic week in Afghanistan, the Varia had all arrived in Argentina completely exhausted. It was obvious that Xanxus would lose his temper _that_ quickly when the other family started taunting him. Seriously. It was _Xanxus_. And the fact that the red-eyed man pulled the trigger on his gun was to be expected, but neither family predicted to be almost blown up by a landmine one of the bullets had hit. Least to say, the discussion eventually ended in agreement of the mafia family pledging their loyalty to the Vongola. Xanxus had smirked in triumphant while the rest of Varia was splayed out on the ground, groaning in pain and how they saw their life flash before their eyes.

Umi just hoped Argentina wasn't going to be as dangerous.

"Ushishishi. The prince wants to explore~!" Bel hopped off the bed excitedly, after having spent 2 hours just lying there with the rest of the group scattered around. Levi groaned from the floor and waved a hand dismissively. He didn't want to get up. His back still hurt from when he flew back from the blast in Afghanistan and had landed on a table, which easily broke under his weight. Lussuria was up but he was off in the kitchen making everyone coffee.

Squalo made a small 'voi' noise before promptly squashing his face back into the cushion on the couch he was on, just too tired to even properly scream at the prince. Mammon shifted in his place on the large king sized bed, uncomfortable with the mattress, before deciding to just lay his head on Umi's stomach, to which the female huffed in annoyance. She didn't do anything though. Just like the rest of the group, she was too tired to bother starting a fight for once.

Fran, used to being in pain, just sat there and watched everyone with a blank expression. "The so-called elite Varia assassination team was defeated by a simple _bomb_? You Sempais need to train more if you can be beat that easily." He pointed out in his usual monotone voice, irking some of the members.

Umi was quick to retort back. "Technically, I'm not _part_ of the Varia. I'm Vongola's bloody translator and you guys need someone who knows the traditions and stuff in each country."

"Watch your mouth before I charge you for calling me weak." The older illusionist spat in annoyance before he lay back down to rest. Bel made a small whining noise in protest at everyone's lack of upbeat behavior. "The prince is bored though. Someone has to keep me entertained." He huffed, glancing at everyone. Squalo was first to reply.

"VOI! FORGET IT BRAT! I'M TOO FUCKING TIRED FOR YOUR SHITTY DEMANDS!"

"Aw, Squ Chan! It's not nice to yell at Bel Chan like that!"

"Quiet down before the Boss wakes up!"

"I'm not being paid enough for this trip."

"OW! Why the bloody 'ell did you chuck the remote at me, you damned hippie?"

"It seems like no one wants to hang out with the fake prince."

Bel chucked knives at the teal-haired male as he continued to scowl at everyone. "The prince demands that one of you peasants get up and entertain me." He growled, feeling his own temper rising. Umi groaned and sat up. "Dinner! Wait until dinner!" she exclaimed before burying her face into the soft covers of the bed she was on. Mammon had changed positions and was lying right beside her, an arm covering his eyes. The blonde reluctantly agreed and dragged the teal-haired illusionist to the T.V where they played several video games for a few hours.

When dinnertime had arrived, they had all shuffled quietly to the restaurant close to their hotel, still too tired to even pick a fight with each other, although Lussuria seemed fine since he was chatting away animatedly while everyone just groaned and resisted the urge to slam their heads against the brick wall. After they had sat down and ordered, that was when the situation spiraled out of control. Levi had excused himself to the bathroom, and when he had come back, Lussuria pointed out that there was something on his pants. Levi checked and then slapped the inside of his thigh before trying to get the unknown substance off.

The looks he received were priceless.

Umi couldn't stop chuckling as Levi came back to his boss' side to pour him wine. When she saw the Lightning Guardian pour the bottle of wine backwards into the glass with his left hand clutched around the bottle's neck she burst into a fit of laughter. Levi's action brought on more insulted looks from the people around them. Fran gave her a slightly worried look, as miniscule as it was. He should have been used to the deranged moments the female had – after all, she _was_ hanging around the Varia.

"Hey, Levi, can you pour me some wine?" she stifled her giggles behind her hand so the words came out muffled. Nevertheless, the Lightning Guardian reluctantly poured the dark liquid into her glass cup the same way he did for Xanxus. The next scene was a blur.

"Me has insultado vertiendo mi vino al revés!" Umi had shouted, jabbing a finger at the confused man as she abruptly stood up. She yelled out more words then hid her face in her hands, pretending to cry. The whole restaurant started murmuring to one another before some of them started yelling out in anguish at the bewildered Levi.

As the whole restaurant went into an uproar – obviously, started by Umi herself – Fran directed a confused look to Lussuria, who was pursing his lips and chiding the hysterical female. Bel sat there laughing, watching the scene with amusement. "What just happened?" Fran asked out loud earning both previous stated males to look at him. Umi was too busy laughing her head off to hear the young illusionist's question as various strangers threw little objects and yelled at the Varia's Lightning Guardian.

"Well, according to Umi Chan's 'When In Rome' book, slapping the inside of your thigh near the groin is an obscene gesture here, and it is an Argentinian insult if you pour wine backwards, use your left hand to pour it or hold the bottle by the neck. Levi did all three of that _twice_." Lussuria replied as he took out the small book to flip through its pages. How did he even get a hold of that book in the first place? Before Fran could even register what was going on, the table had been flipped and an angry Xanxus stood up with his guns out. The whole restaurant went into panic and everyone ran out to the nearest exit screaming.

"Shit, shit, shit, on a goddamn stick!" Fran heard the female mutter before she had scrambled away, dragging him along with her. Bel and Mammon was quick to follow after with Lussuria and Squalo trailing behind. Levi was left to deal with the Varia boss' anger. To say any one of the members felt bad for him would be a lie. They were just glad it wasn't them that were getting a blast to the rear end.

If Afghanistan and Argentina were this bad on the first day they were there, the Varia had a long hectic journey around the world.

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**Wow. I didn't expect 7 follows and 3 favs for this silly series! Thank you all so much! I hope you guys enjoy future chapters as much as you did the first chapter!**

**I send my love to you people who followed and faved this! Extra love goes to xXBloodyIllusionXx and LaughterGirl for leaving a review!**

**Translation: "Me has insultado vertiendo mi vino al revés!" - "You have insulted me by pouring my wine backwards!"  
**

**And of course, the information comes from Mike Haskins' book 'When In Rome...' and the languages/translations come from it as well. Varia is owned by Akira Amano. I only own Umi and the plot.**

**Note: The Varia spend at least one week in each country for, you know, sight seeing and stuff. The Varia blame Lussuria and Umi for forcing them to tag along on their trips. :D**

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**Replies**

**xXBloodyIllusionXx:** PFT. YES. Squalo _does_ have the posture for it! Although he wouldn't bring in a lot of clients. He'd kill them all before they could even speak XD And aw, thank you! I'm happy you love the cover page! I'm not even joking when I say it took me forever to color it. It was a huge hassle. OTL And I hope you didn't wait long 'cause here's the new chapter! WHOO.

**LaughterGirl:** I'm so glad you thought it was funny! And the Varia would make for a great comedy troupe :D Thank you for following the story!


	3. When In Australia

**{When In Australia}**

**{Don't tell Aussies they're all descended from prisoners}**

"Alright, so we all agree? **No** more murderous rampages in the country we visit. It costs a lot of money to repair the damages. Umi, I'm specifically directing this at _you_."

The only female of the group puffed her cheeks out in protest as they strolled around the town they were in, dressed in casual clothing. Well, Lussuria and Mammon weren't all that casual. After all, the Sun Guardian wouldn't go anywhere without his boa, and Mammon refused to go out without his hoodie. Xanxus wasn't even with them. He decided to relax back at their hotel and forced the group to go out and buy supply. Umi rolled her eyes and jabbed a finger in Levi's direction. "Lightning retard here was the one who started all the uproars in Argentina! I caused no such damages!"

"_Physically_," Mammon corrected, "You start fights with your words. Do that again and I'll bury you 6 feet under."

Umi gave a huff and muttered curses under her breathe as they entered a large store, the establishment titled 'Woolworths'. Squalo had voiced some rather unintelligent thoughts on the name, to which Lussuria chided him for. Why were they there in the first place? Of course, to buy food for the week; the group had unanimously decided that it was best if Lussuria cooked for them instead of risking the chances of destroying an entire restaurant – again, the blame goes to Xanxus, though no one would ever voice it out loud in front of him.

"Ushishishi. The prince wants to go see a kangaroo."

"I want to see a koala. Do you think we'll find them in someone's backyard, Bel sempai?"

Umi blanched at the two. "Oh god, Fran, Bel, shut up. We're not in the outback. We're in civilization. If you want to see real kangaroos and real koalas, we'll take a trip to Uluru. For now, just don't say that or anything else in English. I don't want people screaming at us." She huffed before making an I'm-watching-you action with her fingers, stalking away afterwards to look for the ice cream and candy section.

Left alone, Bel and Fran stood there in silence, not knowing what to do. Finally, the blonde grinned and nudged the younger adult. "Shishi, let's go frog. The prince is bored and wishes to bother some people." He walked off to the meat section. Fran rolled his eyes at his elder's childishness, though he followed after anyway. Surely, this was going to be something interesting to watch.

Bel walked up to the lady behind the meat counter and leant against the glass case with his wide, toothy grin showing. "G'day mate." He greeted cheerfully in English and the lady blinked at him in surprise before smiling back. "Hello sir. How may I help you?" she asked.

"Can I have a shrimp on the Barbie?"

"E…Excuse me? I'm sorry sir, we don't barbecue shrimps here, but you _can_ buy fresh shrimps. We have an assortment of them…" she trailed off slightly confused as she walked over to the shrimp section and waved at them. Bel gave a low whistle and nudged the teal-haired illusionist beside him, silently urging him to continue on with their charade. Fran gave a slight nod before speaking up, "I heard that you people ride kangaroos to school. Is that true? In fact, do you guys have kangaroos and koalas in your backyard? We want to see real life kangaroos and koalas."

The poor female was completely confused now, and slightly insulted at their comments and questions. "No." she said firmly after a moment, "We do _not_ have kangaroos and koalas in our backyards. That's just a stereotype. Now, please, will you be buying anything here, sir?"

Bel was quick to speak up again, relishing in the angry expression she had on her face and the look like she wanted to really yell at them. "Ushishishi. Aren't all you Aussies descendants of prisoners? After all, Australia _was_ a penal colony. You're all basically crooks and thieves."

At that, the female finally snapped at them angrily, having enough of their rude comments and questions. "Who do you think you are? Asking such rude questions like that! And even saying we're descendants of prisoners, no less! You damn rude b – "

"Dammit Bel! Fran! I leave for 5 minutes and you're already causing trouble!"

"VOI! What did you fucking brats do now?"

"Bel Chan! Fran Chan! You shouldn't be acting so rude to people you don't know!"

"Hey! You two were supposed to get the steak and lamb Boss wanted!"

"Ushishishi. The prince was told no such thing, you stupid peasant."

"Mu, what's going on here? Umi, go put those bags of candy back and the ice-cream tub. I'm not wasting my money on useless things like that."

"Ah, Mammon sempai. The fake prince said he wanted to go bother some people and forced me to go along."

Squalo yelled at the two before turning his anger to Umi, blaming her for even leaving the two alone in the first place. The white-haired adult screamed back with just as much anger while Lussuria tried calming the two down, and Levi stood beside him with a look of annoyance. Bel joined in to continue angering the swordsman with Fran throwing in his own monotone insults. Mammon was quick to leave and put away items that weren't really needed while the group continued to argue with each other.

Eventually, the lady behind the meat counter called for security and the group – minus Mammon – were forced to leave the shop and they had to call the illusionist to buy all the food they needed. Of course, that was a bad idea in itself, since it _was_ Mammon.

Suffice to say, that was the last time they were leaving Bel and Fran alone in a store.

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**Another little quick update because I couldn't help it. This one just brought on so many images in my head that it was too funny for me to pass up :D**

**Normally, I'd try as best as I can to stay away from using stereotypes in anything I write, but for this one, I'm fine with it, mainly because I live in Australia myself. I find those stereotypes hilarious, and I can imagine Bel and Fran saying them and annoying the living daylights out of whoever was unfortunate enough to become the target of their harassment XD**

**Quick thanks and lots of love to HungryForHam, pizzas are immortal & Xnameless1711X for faving/following! Extra love goes to Xnameless1711X for leaving a review~!**

**All information, language/translations from this series come from Mike Haskins' 'When In Rome...' book.  
Varia belongs to Akira Amano. I only own the plot and Umi.**

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**Replies:**

**Xnameless1711X:** Oh wow, I'm so glad you find this series funny! And yes, the prostitute part _would_ bring on a lot of laughter. It is Squalo, after all. (come on people. Squalo fits the prostitute role _perfectly_ D *shot*) And I don't really have a set day or anything when I update. I normally update whenever I feel like it or I have the inspiration. Basically, sporadic updates is what I call it :D And thanks again for faving, following and leaving a review! I hope future chapters I post don't disappoint you or anyone else following this series!


	4. When In Belgium

**{When In Belgium}**

**{Snapping your fingers is vulgar}**

"Okay, seriously, so far in the past three countries we visited, we've just had bad luck. Does anyone else notice that?"

"Maybe it's because Umi sempai is bad luck herself? Or maybe it's because the fallen prince's dead brother is haunting him and since we're with him, we get the bad luck too?"

"Ushishishi, does the frog want his legs sliced off and sent to France?"

"VOI! SHUT THE FUCK UP, YOU ANNOYING BRATS!"

"Oh no! Mama Lussuria! Old man Squalo is raging again!" Umi retorted as she and the rest of the Varia guardians took a seat at their table in a restaurant. Squalo glared at her and silently wished he had brought along his sword to stab her with it but sadly he couldn't because they were in public, and Lussuria wouldn't let him bring it along. He cursed the sun guardian right then and there.

Lussuria pursed his lips and then started lecturing Squalo on cursing out loud in public before they all looked at the menu to see what there was to eat. Of course, Xanxus didn't bother looking at the menu. There was only one thing he wanted, and that was steak. The Varia hoped to god that the restaurant served steak. Well, a high level steak at least.

And why were they in a restaurant after having unanimously voted to have Lussuria cook for them? Well, Mammon decided it was better to just eat out because it saved more money that way from buying useless ingredients that almost always ended up being used as part of a food fight between Belphegor, Fran, Umi, Squalo and Levi. In all honesty, he was right on that. So there they were, inside a restaurant in Belgium.

"Okay, has everyone decided on what they want to eat?" Lussuria asked, glancing at his teammates. Everyone either muttered a yes or nodded their heads. They told him what they wanted before the sun guardian turned around, spotted a waiter, and snapped his fingers as he called out to him to get his attention. Umi promptly hit her head against the table to stifle her laughter, which resulted in Lussuria looking at her curiously. The waiter came up to them with an angry look and started talking quickly, in an angry voice, of course.

Bewildered, Lussuria looked at Umi who was hiding her face behind Fran's giant frog hat. "Umi-chan, why is he yelling at me?" he asked.

"Uh, well," Umi coughed, hitting her chest as she faced him, "Maybe Levi screwed up again and he's telling you about it?"

"I haven't even done anything yet! I'm just sitting here!" Levi yelled, hitting his hands against the table.

Belphegor scoffed at him, "You just sitting there is a crime in itself."

"What? You little – "

"Goeiendag!" Umi piped up abruptly, smiling at the waiter. The waiter turned to her with a frown before he spoke to her, nodding to Lussuria as he did so. Umi just shrugged and replied back quickly before pointing to the menu and ordering their meals. The waiter nodded, wrote down the order, and smiled politely before leaving.

"Ma, what did he say about me, Umi-chan?" Lussuria asked.

"…Uh…He was asking…for your phone number…?" Umi trailed off with a whistle before she brightened up and clapped her hands together. "Oh! We have to go visit the Belgian Strawberry Museum!"

"Huh? They have a museum just for strawberries here?" Fran asked, glancing at her. Umi shrugged as she looked back at him, "I don't know. Probably. I just want to go because it's called the Strawberry Museum."

"Then what's the point in going if we don't know what's in the museum?"

"Well, I don't think it's called Strawberry Museum for nothing."

"But you just said you don't know if they have actual strawberries there."

"It's me you're talking about. I give confusing answers, all right? Besides, it'd be cool to go in case they give free strawberries~!"

"Ushishishi, a museum is boring! The prince wants to do something more fun than that!" Belphegor cut in, leaning back against his chair as he grinned. "But it's called the Strawberry Museum! Come on!" Umi whined for a moment before her chair was suddenly jerked backwards, the female giving a yelp as she hit the ground.

"Urgh, dammit Bel! You arse!" she yelled before she got up and put her chair back in place, taking a seat as she glared at the blonde to her right. Belphegor just laughed and poked her with a fork, irritating her even more. As the two adults started having a war with forks and knives – Lussuria forbidding them from purposely stabbing each other – Levi grew impatient for their food and started snapping his fingers as he yelled out to get someone's attention.

The same waiter as before came back and this time he started yelling back with the other people inside the restaurant yelling alongside him. Umi groaned and smacked her forehead. "Oh my god, Levi, you just started another restaurant uprising!"

"Tch, stupid peasant."

"VOI! HOW MANY FUCKING TIMES ARE WE GOING TO BE RUNNING OUT OF A FUCKING RESTAURANT?"

"I am _not_ paying for this times destruction."

"Ah, it looks like boss is getting angry again."

"Maybe we should all run now." Lussuria said. They all went quiet, just staring at one another, and then they turned their attention to Xanxus who was already grabbing hold of his guns.

They promptly shot out of their seats and ran.

Four countries down, fifty-six more to go. Anyone else wondering how long before the Varia start a world war?

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**Back to updating this series! I hope you guys continue to enjoy reading this :D**

**Love goes to the people who have faved and followed this and extra love goes to Anon and Fujihara Natsuko for reviewing!**

**Translation: "Goeiendag!" - "Hello!"**

******And of course, the information comes from Mike Haskins' book 'When In Rome...' and the languages/translations come from it as well. Varia is owned by Akira Amano. I only own Umi and the plot.**

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**Replies**

**Anon:** PFT, I LOVE YOU TOO ANON. ASDLAJND DON'T DIE ON ME! XD I'm back to regular updates for this so I hope you continue to enjoy future chapters!

**Fujihara Natsuko: **alsdnawofew Thank you! I'm glad this is hilarious to you and this is fabulous! And I'm glad there's no grammatical or spelling mistakes~!


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